Folks, we've finally made it as a news publication: The Onion is doing a tote bag sale.
If you subscribe to the print edition in the next week, you get this free Onion tote bag.
It comfortably stores your drugs, drug paraphernalia, and baby books. Get one today.
How long do you expect this to be available? Don't get paid til next week.
Feels like the "WA- headline continued on page 2" of tote bags.
Forget if they can store Hunter Biden's laptop, I'm asking the real question. Can they fit:
I get what babies would do with the other stuff, but what use are books to them? 🤷🏻
I guess it would hold baby drugs too?
How many subscriptions would I need to acquire enough tote bags to hold all the Epstein files?
Asking for a friend
Onion tote bags are only for members, so if you want a tote bag (and you do want a tote bag) and you're already subscribed, check your email! There's a magic link for you in there to get one. Thank you for your attention to this matter!
What do I get for $100?
What dimensions? If a tote can’t comfortably carry a box of adult men’s incontinence care products, 2 cans of hairspray, and 1 can of spray paint, I’m not in.
Do you have a referral link?
can i put milk in it
Haha of course I just subscribed yesterday...
You know babies can’t read, right?
What about my baby's drugs and drug paraphernalia?
Do you all mail subs out to Hong Kong?
THE O N I O N
Wait wait wait...it'll hold both my drugs AND my drug paraphernalia? Sign me up!
Is it meant to look horrible though?
And Subway sandwiches.
I’m annoyed. I already signed up months ago and I love totes. But I don’t get a tote. Not that I need another tote
How many onions can an Onion tote tote?
[goes mad with tote]
TOTE! TOTE!TOTE! TOTE! TOTE!
does the bag come with a re-subscription? I'm due in a few days
Can't wait, but honestly it looks like the Oonion.
Tim Onion I didn’t get an email! But I want a tote!
The OnioNPR
Will they hold radioactive material? ... asking for a friend...
of all the times for the onion to launch a tote bag
You and the the "New Yorker" have the same bag company.
Wow. This is some NPR level bullshit. Do we get a The Onion pitch about how serious the journalism is and how balanced and how much it’s needed for democracy to flourish, and then immediately do an interview with a conservative and not fact check them or push back in any way?
I signed up for a print subscription like a week ago, any way I can get in on this sweet, sweet tote bag deal?
Kicking myself for subscribing on 8/7 and therefore missing my chance at the free tote bag. SMH always like this, guess I’ll have to smuggle things with my other tote bags
The Oonion
What about Hunter Biden laptop?
Hurray, a reusable shopping bag.
are they stocking it at RayGun
i must touch its fibers before
purchase
can it hold my baby? (she is 18, but on the small side)
IT ALSO HOLDS CANS OF SOUP IF YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING
Is it made from real onions?
As a professional tote bag collector, I will be storing this under glass so that it is preserved for decades.
a free tote ain't no joke
Can a weaponized corn beef on rye be concealed within the tote?
The next issue will hand delivered by myself to my husbands place of business. Inconspicuous but evident. 😇
Can it store my crypto?
