6089 Followers
1583 Following
🍁NY Times & Amazon best-selling horror and comedy writer. Taco supporter. Formerly of Cracked and College Humor. Writer of WereCage & a book about Eve6.
Here's my books, you beautiful buggers - https://books2read.com/b/werecage
Likeliest scenarios:
Illness Slip and fall Choked on a McNugget Drowned in piss Od'd on Ritalin Drowned in ketchup Overloaded diaper Syphilis Stephen Miller drank his blood Falling anvil Grossly misjudged a fart Head stuck in a jug Smote by God Brain atrophy Dink leprosy Dysentery
Big Beautiful Bloated Corpse
I'm not going to lie, if thousands and thousands of strangers were joyfully speculating that I had died, I would feel really bad about it. You should probably not want to live a life that leads to this sort of behavior. I might pack up my shit and move to Greenland.
Most people think wishes are fanciful, but when 8 billion people wish for the same thing there's at least a minor ripple in the real world.
I could be your baffled king, composing whatever you wish.
Here is another poem!
Grrrr
S'up?
I mean, it's nothing undoubtedly, but there are rumblings about. I guess he hasn't been seen publicly in a few days, and he had that weird issue with makeup on his hand the other day covering something up, and some TikTok doctor diagnosed him with congenital heart failure. Wishful thinking, mostly
El Presidente