The person who is always afraid someone’s mad at them has often grown up focusing on others needs being met out of their survival. They were shamed for needing help. They got the silent treatment with no warning. They’re on high alert, hoping not to get hurt like that again.
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Hubby lives with that every day.
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See also: the person who's always apologizing
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And it's tiring.
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I grew up with 2 narcissists in my home. A parent and 1 sibling. I can attest to this.
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ain't that the fkn truth
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I learned something amazing this week - that when we go through something traumatising, our brain logs exactly what happened and that we survived. So even if the way we coped was not ideal, our brain logs it as The Way To Survive, and that's how we carry forward "maladaptive" survival behaviours 🤯
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Or, you assert yourself and they’re mad at you anyway (um, me)
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I'm in that horrible grey zone, where my therapy has shown me all of this, but I still need to learn how to... manage this ocean of hurt, how to stop this eternal vigilance, because it is both tiring and destructive. Fuck.
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"The person who is always afraid someone’s mad at them has often grown up focusing on others needs being met out of their survival. "
Women are socialized to be this ^^
That's why it's such a challenge not to recoil when well-meaning therapeutic professionals practically yell "GET SUPPORT" at you
