Please Like Me
Please Like Me
It can be strange, sometimes, to be me. I’m the wealthiest man on the planet, for starters. Leaders across America, and indeed the world, look to me as a visionary driving technological progress in ar...
Replies
-
"The Onion" tellin em how it is since 1866!
-
no.
-
I don't trust him. But then, I don't trust anyone who makes sudden moves.
-
“I was your friend all along”
-
-
-
Never gonna happen
-
Poor widdle wee-on! 😂🤣
Maybe, he should have personal interactions with all of the good and hardworking Americans he lied about and shitcanned with his "department of stealing personal data."
He can start with the honorable American Veterans he trashed!
He's a depraved micro MFKR!
-
ether'd 🔥
-
Yikes! Elon may climb into his spaceship and soar to Mars all alone 😢
-
This just keeps being relevant
-
You need to earn those likes
-
Donate to Terrance Kesler's Recovery Fund, organized by Jaden Kesler
Funds from this page go directly towards helping my dad, Terrance Kesler, stay alive a… Jaden Kesler needs your support for Terrance Kesler's Recovery Fund
-
Maybe if we all act like a distant father he’ll redustribute his wealth
-
In the style of
-
no
-
-
Ack!
-
Last week Musk was basically told to "get your f*cking shinebox" in the Oval Office as he departed DOGE and now he is butt hurt ! 😂🍿
-
"Elon" the musical! An entire new PR makeover.
-
Same can be said about Trump, imo. Many say, what made Trump mad is not being accepted or recognized by the $Billionaires social circle. $Billionaires now bob & weave towards him but only of what as POTUS, they can get from him.
-
Hard pass.
-
Go to Mars and stay there, and then we'll love you.
-
Lolz! 🤣
-
-
Yeah, well, watch out you don’t ’un-alive’ yourself like Epstein…
-
😂😂😂
-
I will offer a glowing eulogy at your funeral. “Glowing” - as “illuminated by the eternal flames of Hell”.
-
The USA is the biggest fucking joke on planet earth right now. Just a damn embarrassment. One big stinking shitshow. If I had the $$$ I would get the hell over to Europe & stay there.
-
How about a compromise? We like your money. Feel free to send. 😁
-
Grow up!
-
That article made me feel worse for the guy than anyone actually could have...
I still fk hate him tho
-
Not possible.
-
After this cat fight with Trump maybe he should offer Miami dick jobs or lifetime hair club memberships for Men? 🤷♂️ So he can repair his reputation with the Maga Toads.
-
Maybe protect Americans not idiots. And musk you are the fall guy so Republicans do not have to blame the felon for any of his wrongdoing. You have always been his fall guy. Everyone hates you for everything he did. They're too dumb to blame him.
-
Nope. Return him to South Africa penniless.
That or penniless to CECOT, so he can't bribe the dictator's prison goons.
-
And Dan Wootton thinks it's Megan Markle with this problem... 😋
-
Nope!
-
OK!!!
-
Absolutely tf not. Spill all the beans, lose all your money, and gtfo out.
-
Explain exactly how you rigged the election for Trump. We still won't like you, but you should do it anyhow.
-
Every second that these billionaire bastards spend not ending the world hunger with their enormous wealth is a crime against humanity.
-
I’m very likable in a very likable way (sniff)
-
-
-
-
Despite the unfortunate issues with Tesla stock, the company released the logo for its new offering:
The Tesla Tank
-
Who will win?
-
Hard pass
-
At first glance I read this as Please Be Like Me. The answer is still F no!
-
From the first sentence, hilarious.
-
Everyone loves a good singer Elon. I’ll get my guitar.
-
Hard pass, Nazi!
-
evergreen
-
Please clap.
-
-
-
-
was this really first published in 2022?? Has he really been like this for this long omg
-
The fatman gives Elon a permanent vacation
-
Point/Counterpoint: No.
-
Unlikeable
-
🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
-
The how much do I love me essay.
-
-
“Please, for the love of all that is holy, consider me clever and interesting.” Click link it’s super funny
Also
NO
-
Poor Elon. Nobody likes him. Well, maybe now that tRump is done with him, Elon can buy himself a new friend.
-
I’m sorry, but you’re repellent
-
-
No.
-
No thanks
-
Like me. Buy my cars...
-
-
-
No
-
scream-laughter!
-
-
Ummmm. No.
-
LMFAO Epic!
-
-
So empathy turns out not to be such a bad thing after all, eh Elon?
-
-
“Please accept me socially. I am rich.”
-
Give up your emeralds, and the ketamine, and then we'll talk. If you still can at that point
-
Lol....
-
👍😂🤣
-
Just really a big racist apartheid boob. A tender feelings softy ninny
-
-
I'm gonna put this out there:
I'm betting $100 dollars that Musk will "commit suicide" before the 4th of July.
I'm looking to place this bet with any betting station in the world.
The odds might be around 6 or 7/2, but I'm willing to do it.
Can someone send me in the right direction?
Thanks! ❤️
-
No.
-
Nah. Have the life you deserve for killing tens of thousands of people and corrupting the American experiment.
-
That fucking dude…
fuckyouelonmuskyoulittlefuckingtwat.com
Fuck You Elon Musk You Little Fucking Twat
This is your fault you little dipshit.
-
please like me is up there with "I am fun" with your all timers of recent years
-
Pure Gold!
-
💩💩🤮
-
"If you wish to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
But yeah, never going to happen. We'd sooner see a camel go through the eye of a needle.
-
Yep another stop or the damage control PR tour
-
Never gonna happen, Elmo.
-
"The court battle will persist as Musk fights to continue his decades-long refusal to pay alimony."
bluffpost.substack.com/p/court-gran...
Court Grants Musk Weekend Custody Of JD Vance
In a nasty public divorce between former first lady Elon Musk and President Donald Trump, a federal court has ruled that Musk is to take weekend custody of JD Vance.
-
"Some believe Trump may have gotten in bed with Peter Thiel before his relationship with Musk was officially over, hinting that Trump decided to leave Musk for a younger tech oligarch."
www.instagram.com/p/DKim_0-guIY/
-
Get help!
-
-
Buddy, this looks like a 10 year old child posting on facebook after having a fight with his best friend.
YOU CANNOT BE A FUNCTIONING ADULT!
-
No.
-
No.
-
Not satire, but I still think it's funny. Richest man on earth, biggest loser too
-
The weird thing is, super-massive gaslighting asshole Musk probably actually wonders why nobody loves him.
-
No. I can't. 🤷🏻♀️
-
Please don't stop talking.
-
-
lol, no.
-
Every Elon post ever
-
Not a problem, dude! You should be able to live real comfortable for the rest of your life on a million dollars and that works out just right because the cost of my 'friendship' is only the rest.
-
Written in 2022 and somehow still relevant 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
-
Still with the real journalism, eh? /s
I do wish I could tell the Muskrat to go fuck himself though. That would be nice.
-
I love this😂😂😂
-
Elon lost his boyfriend now is pleading for attention
-
Poor lil guy, what a sad little man. Just constantly getting beaten down
-
No. You look like you smell.
-
NO
-
-
PhA-Q Devil do You HEAR!!!
-
This has the same horror feeling as playing DDLC for the first time
-
Don’t worry, everyone, for trump’s Russian friends will take good care of him.
-
Nope UR the biggest thief in history of world, sociopath, & narcissistic ketamine-dependent POS!
-
No
-
Get Trump sent to prison and I'll buy a cyberjunk!
-
I'm just not a fan of drug addicts who think they can throw their weight around...nor am I a fan of malignant narcissists.
-
-
😂🤣
-
🤣
-
You have to feel sorry for a guy who only has sex with petrie dishes.
-
Blink 2…
-
Nazi Salute.
-
Dear onion, Why is it the last Americans who fought against or feared the last megamaniacal violent xenophobic psychopath who threatened to cleanse the world of the Untermensch and re-establish their idyllic Reich again managing to live just long enough to vote for the next one?
-
Sad but accurate
-
💥 Billionaire Wars: Memes, Power, and Presidential Pettiness 💥https://open.substack.com/pub/topicnomad/p/billionaire-bloodsport-elon-musk?r=53iokk&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
-
What a fragile little douchebag. No Elon. No body likes you. In fact, even with all that money, you're nothing and have nobody.
-
Musk could've changed the world for the better; he had every resource available to him. Instead, he made it markedly worse. We should never forget that. resist.bot/petitions/PK...
As Musk's time in the White House ends, let's be clear about his legacy.
Text SIGN PKJOMI to 50409 to send this to your officials.
-
If you wanna be liked, do likeable things. Shouldn't be so hard for a billionaire.
-
Oddly enough, super-duper asshole Musk may actually wonder why no one likes him.
-
-
So are we sending back the white South Africans? 🤔
-
Please be a decent human being.
Do that first.
You won't.
So I won't like you.
And that's me being polite.
-
I like to cut funds on the American poor....to give me a tax break, so I can have more....I'm an asshole, hey hey ho ho..I'm an asshole...
-
-
-
This is a bridge too far even for The Onion. Just kidding, I still love yall.
-
Nah. Not even after today.
-
Nope, I'll never forgive him for ruining Twitter, and the lives of tens of thousands of federal workers.
-
You stole your headline from Jeb!
-
This might be the most relevant time I've used this. Thanks @theonion.com
-
We'll let Stephen Miller's wife like you.
K?
-
-
Hard pass.
-
-
No.
-
America the lesson is screaming in our faces. Wealth isn't the answer to contentment and happiness.
-
Very hard pass…🤣
-
But not for my money
-
Ive known people who would unironically post smth like this.
One in specific. You'll never guess who his favorite celebrity was.
-
-
My smile kept growing wider the more I read. I reallllly hope this was fully written by a human and not with the help of Ai, except for maybe spell checks.
This is beautifully written.
-
-
No.
-
-
Give me a couple more million and we’ll talk😂
-
No
-
Nope
-
Wait... which one is the fascist dictator and which one is the evil henchman again? 🤔
-
Never in a million years
-
I heard Trump is on Epstein's list with underage girls; they called it the bowl of cherry club, also asked Gates about his underage girls 3 mile high club and going across state lines; "also DeSantis Gates play for pay cards was caught after hours Gov. UC agency office stealing IDs"!
-
No.
-
No
-
I don't actually like either of them but I loathe Musk slightly < tRump. I deeply loathe Miller, Thiel, etc. more than tRump as he is old, evil, but incredibly stupid; they are oldish but much more evil & cunning. Too bad they aren't good, resourceful people working to better the world.
-
NEVER!!!
-
#ElmoMusKKK just do some more K.
-
Oh hell no, Lets drop some more funding for muskrat: United Airlines & T-Mobile are using musks starlink. please Email to: T-mobile simone.schlief@telekom.de renate.pohler@telekom.de investor.relations@t-mobile.com
United: scott.kirby@gmail.com InvestorRelations@united.com Please repost
-
💀
-
For how much, bitch?
-
We have reached a decision: No
-
Eeew.
No.
-
Please clap
-
-
Fuck off Nazi Rocket boy!
-
😂🤣
-
Finally, some serious journalism
-
Sorry. This is one time where "please" ain't gonna work. Not even "pretty please". Oh hell no. Ya made yer bed, lie in it.
-
Fight Club
-
I'd Like Elon in PRISON!
A speaker he can't turn off
reading aloud everyone's comments.
