Researchers Determine Coelacanth Faked Own Extinction To Escape Massive Gambling Debt theonion.com/researc...
Replies
-
That explains the missing minute from that videotape!
-
..and Trump
-
Looks like dictator trump
-
but is now gainfully employed selling vampire slaying kits & specialty miracle foods like jesus toast & a cheeto that looks like the vigin mary.
-
There you go
-
This one made me giggle
-
I knew something was fishy ….
-
📌
-
Fire your writers.
-
Fake news! It was “preserved” in a nice cement slab by debt collector, Tony the Ape.
-
Dinosaurs wouldn’t have been hit by a meteor from heavens if they had converted to be saved by Jesus.
-
But did it work?
-
And now, the cover is blown.
-
I mean, same.
-
Were you born between 1975-1985? This is the perfect joke for you!
-
Hooked on crappie
-
😂
-
-
So he does sleep with the fishes??
-
Funny - legs help you run from the mob, but also have the kneecaps they want bash in. Silly fish
-
I knew it.
-
I’ve long felt there was something fishy about these fucking coelacanths.
-
😳😬🥴🤔🤣
-
i knew it, can't trust those things, way to fishy.
-
So a fish will gamble so much it has to fake its own extinction but Trump still bankrupted a casino?
-
Was his name Nate Silver?
-
I’d see this movie!
-
Stay away from those loan sharks
-
Oh, Onion… ❤️ I needed that laugh! 😂
-
Coelacanth pay up, amirite???!!
-
LOL!
-
I so believe this is true. Why else would he go extinct? 🤷🏼♀️
-
Well, can you blame it
-
😂😂🤣 the Trump fish … you’re looking at The Next President of the USA there MakeAmericaGoFishAgain
-
I knew he was up to something
-
God I love the onion. Parody news is so fun
-
If he was smart, he'd just 'float' his own bitcoin and pay the sharks with that.
-
-
😂😂😂😂😂
-
And has the same DNA as the dtrumps, but a higher IQ.
-
Coelacanth were always up to no good.
-
It explains all of trumps failed casinos
-
@syskpodcast.bsky.social. Just saying, might be time for an update to that "Selects" from a few weeks ago. 🤷♂️🤣♥️
-
Slippery bastard
-
I am coelacanth, confirmed.
-
That made me fart laugh!
-
Who’s gambling debt??? Tracey Ullman, lol…
-
Seems clear to me he had a face change...
-
we need ANSWERS slams fist on desk
-
Wait a minute..
THIS BASTARD OWES ME 3K!!
-
Like that asshole Paul McCarthy.
-
I just spit out my orange juice! Those wascally Coelacanths.😄
-
Dear Onion:
President Trump.
I'm so sorry.
-
Brilliant, who would have ever suspected? 🤣
-
We’d break his knees, but . . .
-
Sounds like a maga bs news item. It is well known Charlie D. would have said Coelacanths were fit for the task. 😶
-
-
😂😂😂😂
-
Okay let me explain the joke for you non zoology losers (/jk)
So there’s your average ray finned fish, and then there’s these guys whose fins are more like limbs and can move independently, they were thought to be extinct for but can be found in a deep sea trench between Madagascar and Mozambique
-
Coelacanth pay or Coelawonth pay?
-
🤣😂
-
😂
-
😁
-
I see you’re also fans of @beetlemoses.bsky.social
-
Hey, this reminds me that you all were funny once, thanks.
-
Pretty sure they knew Trump was coming.
-
😂🤣
-
“No, no! I’m Mr. Perch! Really I am! What, you’re trying to drown me? Good luck with that one, goomba!”
-
It's really a problem down there. 💰
-
🤣
-
😅
-
Rolling the bones is his vice
-
It was also trying not to become someone's Colcannon
-
😂
-
🤣
-
Which lends further credence to the theory that humans evolved from fishes, no? 🤔
-
you go! you do you!
-
Still owes me $200
-
In this daily avalanche of bad news, I look forward to the hilarious Onion take on everything
-
This is what happens when you start putting casinos on your phone
-
Sounds fishy.
-
-
That thing trying to evade loan sharks, huh?
