“I gave my life to Christ in the Cracker Barrel parking lot” sounds like the filthiest euphemism I have ever heard.
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Well it is a step up from Waffle House.
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That made me lol, bravo!
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MAGATs are pathetic. Real mfs know Chili’s is where it’s at!! 🌶️
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Seriously? This is what these people get their knickers in a twist over?
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A great forgotten Bob Seger song.
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He got ass fucked in the parking lot. Sounds like he should have kept that private.😂
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Tammy Wynette song
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Byrons gone all in on kissing massa's ass huh? I'm gonna tell my grandkids this was Byron Donalds.
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He loves that body of Christ
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As if we needed more evidence that “woke” has no definition.
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I noticed there wasn’t a big uproar when the Cracker Barrel started selling alcohol which historically wasn’t their thing. Guess Jesus is working a logo purity test
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Wasn't that a Meatloaf song?
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Mate, I've had roots in car parks a lot of times. I ain't bragging on the internet... Well, I am NOW, but not before...
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Whore!
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Byron is saying to himself, “damn, white people are stupid. I’m making bank playing to their stupidly.”
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Donalds is a drug dealer. A criminal plain and simple.
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Sorry… what’s woke about the new sign? Or not woke about the old sign? I don’t get it. Also re his Christ comment… eww.
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That's exactly what I thought when I read it. Dirty minds think alike
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We live in the stupidist timeline 😑
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Cracker ass Crackers tried to remove the Cracker from the Barrel and all the Crackers freaked out.
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"It happened in the back seat of my Ford Explorer after God answered my prayers by letting me touch Angela's boobs under her sweater. I promised myself to Him and he delivered."
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Why do people think this is "woke" or political?
I think the rebrand is dumb, but I don't see any political motivation?
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Dibs on that name for a Country Song!! Why has no one come up with that?!
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Oh so that's what they're calling it these days!
Bakka bakka-bow wow!
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Or the beginning of a shitty country song!!
That phrase got me too!!! 🤣🤣 WHAT?!
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“Where I found Jesus? In the back seat Of an Impala in the Cracker Barrel parking lot”
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I wish christ would’ve accepted
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Lesser known follow up to Paradise by the Dashboard Light.
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Has real "Hold Steady lyrics" energy.
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Seriously?? With all the shit going on in the world, these nut jobs are bitchin and moaning about a business removing an old man and a barrel like it's the end of the world!
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What’s woke about it? I don’t get it. They want a simpler logo. I like the old one, but not up to me.
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Screaming ‘Oh, God!’ because of cramping from food poisoning doesn’t count. Another cult-bro. Geezits.
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I bet plenty of people lost their virginity in a Cracker Barrel parking lot but I don’t they care if the logo changes!
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He may be confused? Maybe it was his virginity he gave up in the Cracker Barrel parking lot?
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Paradise by the dashboard light..
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I guess that explains a lot. A whole lot.
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Wawawawa… stop whining before James Dobson comes back from the dead and gives you good beating!
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Cracker Barrels are not “unique.” They are a corporate parody of local country restaurants. Corporate America specializes in plastic imitations of real life experiences. Next time leave the interstate long enough to drive into town. Find a restaurant with work trucks around it. Eat there.
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These guys get worked up over the weirdest shit
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That's fucking hilarious.
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Dude it’s a fucking restaurant. It’s not like they’re removing actual history from museums and government websites.
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Isn’t that a Meat Loaf song?
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After reading all the "praise" heaped on James Dobson after his recent death by these evangelical nutjobs, this just fits right in
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I thought it was a lyric by Beck.
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Was that satire?
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He loves his crackers uncle Tom
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did he pass away in the parkin lot
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I wonder if it was in the back seat of a vehicle
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Sounds like a Country song.
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"I got down on my knees behind the dumpster and felt his salvation pour over me."
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Yelling out "Oh God" while a married Crackerbarrel waitress gives you a hummer in your wife's car is not giving your life to Christ.
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They got molested by a minister in a Cracker Barrel parking lot?
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jesus h christ, it must be exhausting being outraged about every goddamned little thing
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Kinda wondering what Christ's last name was and if he was a younger guy.
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One imagines Mr. Donalds has given a great many things to people in many parking lots.
Between Giovanni Bernardone receiving the stigmata after decades of service among the poor, and Byron’s parking lot conversion, I can’t say which is more inspiring.
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It’s the first line of the song’s chorus
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Yes indeed 😬another in denial, ignorant💩GOP black person bowing to a white man in the WH who resents his existence because of the color of his skin yet this 🤡 is bashing ‘woke’! He will know a different meaning of woke passing through a town who would ‘lynch’ him regardless of having a white wife!🤬
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It’s hard to fathom how stupid maga sounds on a logo for a restaurant. Grow up
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'O, Jesus! O,Jesus! Yes!'
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Wonder. Did Byron get dipped in a portable hot tub? The drainage ditch?
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Hey! A sign! Tap tappy tap tapp, tap tap
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"I haven't been so surprised since the pastor's daughter took me up into the steeple to show me the Holy Ghost."
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Many people don't know this, but one of the lesser included charges against Jesus was related to the serving of a Cracker Barrel favorite - Big Easy Steak and Shrimp - at the Last Supper.
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"I Gave My Life To Christ In The Cracker Barrel Parking Lot" sounds like a song Morrissey would write after getting kicked in the head by a goat in Waco
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I wonder if he was arrested in that parking lot
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what are cracker barrel's pronouns?
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I want to eliminate all “Make Generic Words Great Again” merch
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He must have been very good.
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i gave my "life" to "christ" in a "parking lot"
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what in the fuck is wrong with these ppl
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Every angry protest at a minor change only deepens Conservative disconnect from a reality where the only constant is change.
That being said, some chucklefuck got paid to propose and spend millions to make a pointless change only to walk into a PR buzzsaw.
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What.a.clown he is
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We all miss those old, simpler days, before all this wokeness, Donald, like when lots of people couldn't get health insurance, or when women could not get credit or loans, when some people weren't allowed to vote or sit where they wanted, or be elected to the highest office in the land. /s
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You have a dirty mind, sir. I approve.
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I guess I just don't see the issue with their new logo...
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definitely dirty
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Jesus, these snowflakes get their panties in a bunch over the weirdest things.
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Christ was like “nah, bruh, I’m good”.
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It's more like you went down on a guy named Chris in the Cracker Barrel parking lot.
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This made me laugh. Excellent.
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Forget all this "greatness" nonsense. The pursuit of so-called "greatness" is why we're here right now.
Make America GOOD Again.
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MAGA is so easily triggered by the stupidest shit
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Was he born again before or after he pleaded no contest….
“In 2000, he pleaded no contest to a felony theft charge for allegedly attempting to defraud a bank”
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Republicans are such snowflakes!
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No words.
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Trump made this happen.
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Ugh. I’m sure there’s someone out there who regrets giving Donalds a piece in the Cracker Barrel parking lot.
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It sounds like bullshit to me.
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Cracker Barrel will never make or break America’s Greatness! Dude, seriously! The CONSTITUTION MAKES AMERICA GREAT! Get with the rest of us Byron!
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Politico Joe (@politicojoe)
Where you at, “Party Of Law And Order”?
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Yep. Grifty the Clown sucked a dick for a pot pie.
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Cracker Barrel is a cheese brand in Australia.
Did he die from eating cheese or was he run over by a car in the parking lot?
Either way stop eating cheese or eat it in a safer place.
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While praying that check I just wrote don’t bounce ,,,
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I mean, I was kind of sad when Dairy Queen changed their logo and removed the ice cream cone, but my 8 y/o self got over it. Maybe if an 8 y/o girl can cope, grown men can?
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Giving his life to Christ is Byron's euphemism for selling weed.
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Damnable woke corporations with temerity to modernize the logos of MAGA favorites.
Next, Coca-Cola will put their brand in Arial font, because people can’t read cursive.
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In a Cracker Barrel parking lot? That must have been special.
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This is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. . . and I've eaten at Cracker Barrel and probably will again, what's the issue? It needed an upgrade.
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I've never heard of this place, and he calls it an American fixture???
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I don’t get it
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10x dirtier if he’d typed “Jesus” instead of “Christ”. And by “dirty” I mean “erotic”; there’s nothing wrong with givin it to Mexican dudes in Cracker Barrel parking lots if children are absent.
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These people still have the howling fantods whenever they see Land O'Lakes butter in the dairy case.
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I “gave my life to Christ” in a parking lot too many decades ago, but you don’t see me bragging about it 🤣 😉
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Horseshit, it was a Hooters
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lol… Your mind, like a Thomas English muffin, has some really interesting nooks and crannies.
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But they won’t stand up for children or democracy. President is credibly accused of rape of children, an adjudicated sexual offender and they protect him at all cost. Make people ,disappear off the streets, especially black & brown ones, they cheer! A restaurant rebrands and they lose their minds!
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how is it even "woke"
unless i'm missing something, seems they literally just modernized it. it's still just as ugly as it used to be. calm down byron.
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Serious question: why is this a thing? Most companies rebrand and like this case, simplify. What am I missing?
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😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Your bitch was giving you a blow job on your break!!! That was NOT The Rapture!!!
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Do they serve Shrimp Jesus at Cracker Barrel?
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It totally does... and yet, conversion experience does have a lot of meaning for some of us. I don't mean anything hostile by it, just... yeah. 🫤
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Could he be anymore embarrassing?
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“I gave my life to Christ in a Burger King bathroom”
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It’s the title of a country song that no one needs to hear.
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They haven't even changed the logo yet and they are calling it "woke?"
MORONS!
What if it's a silhouette of Trump with ketchup on his ear, with a title that says "The Cracker Got Hit in the Barrel"??
That would be interesting
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I don't think that's the inspiring story they think it is.
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Rejected Hold Steady lyrics.
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It frankly sounds something like, 'If this dumpster's rockin', don't bother knockin'"....
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conservatives are such gigantic babies like they're spinning out over a font and colour change. dear LORD
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He’s licking those Trump boots again…
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The most powerful position is on your knees.
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I'm here excited about trying out their revamped menu 🥑 🍽️
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Byron says, "whew, at least they left the name alone so I can say my favorite word, "cracker"'.
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Felt that as soon as I read it. I have to go clean something.
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I think he means his asshole to a little boy
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Fake Christianity gibberish
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It sounds like the first line of a chorus of a country song.
Also: funny how the "FREEDOM" party is demanding control of checks notes something that isn't theirs.
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all that means is donalds can be the biggest ahole this side of stephen miller and us his phony hate filled KKKult as an excuse
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Seriously I feel sorry for you if you ever ate here
I think I’d rather dumpster dive behind a supermarket
I never gave anything to Christ
But even if I had
It wouldn’t have been in a parking lot
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I have told people this for awhile. Republicans will call anything they don't like 'Woke'. this is such absurd example. what is Woke about the new sign? not a damn thing. they sell alcohol now too. get over yourself Cletus
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Proof "woke" is now code for "anything I don't like". There's nothing even tangentially related to "wokeness" in a company rebranding to look more modern with a simplified logo.
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Create chaos & controversy at every turn. That's the Republican way.
Companies re-brand. Get over it.
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Sounds like a country song.
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Whenever you might ask yourself, “can petty conservative whining get any more pathetic?” they are always there to sink to the occasion
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Cracker Barrel Parking Lot is a sex act that’s illegal in 12 states.
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SAMBO says what?
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i need this as a bumper sticker
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Donald's just came up with a new country western song
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He's bending the truth as always.
Byron gave his life essence in the parking lot to Jesus the bus boy.
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Does he still think Donald Trump is Christ?
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Lord help us. 😞 Christ in a Cracker Barrel parking lot? #issacult
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As Rome burns this is what concerns ppl? A logo?
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I'm sorry, but as a retired business owner, we changed our company colors and modernized logos every 20 years or so. All this whining from the stupid people is unnecessary.
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As if giving one's life to Christ happens in a moment, when you say the magic prayer and the angels in heaven's accounting dept make an entry in the books.
That's Cracker Barrel religion.
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Sounds like a line from a Camper Van Beethoven song.
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Pretty sure that's Lyle Lovett song
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He gave blow jobs in the parking lot 🥱😂
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See here is the thing, this is how Capitalism works. The people who want it changed are voting by coming and spending their money or not spending their money, I mean look at Target. I guess MAGA hates capitalism as much as they hate democracy.
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I'm just gonna say that MAGA thinking they are owning the Libs by taking down Cracker Barrel is one of the funniest things I've heard today. Take it down, boys, take it all the way down.
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JFC
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I thought it sounded like the world’s worst case of food poisoning
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Christ is what Byron called blow.
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Cracker's turn in the barrel?
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"Jesus comes quickly, second time."
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"Repeatedly"
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If a song included the line "I gave my life to Christ in the Cracker Barrel parking lot" I would assume that song was about heroin.
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Tim Walz was right. This is deeply weird. Happy for your experience in the parking lot, but why is your faith in Christ threatened by a new logo and better interior design?
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Christian Crackpots at the Cracker Barrel
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This should be the punchline to “How does a Christofascist lose his virginity?”
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😁
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Byron, you should go tell your story on Candace Owen's black white supremacist show where you fit in perfectly.
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Hey you “UNCLE TOM” piece of shit. I don’t know who you gave your life too but it sure wasn’t the Jesus Christ my grandmother taught me about because that Jesus wouldn’t take your piece of shit. P.S. I hate that terminology but what else can you call that wanna be white Christian nationalist POS?
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No, dammit, I’m not going to check Urban Dictionary to see if there’s an entry.
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Well it’s wasn’t a Cracker Barrel lot and her name wasn’t Christ, but…
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Was that before or after he was dealing drugs and engaging in fraud? Asking for a friend.
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Can someone explain for us dumb crackers what's woke about the new sign? I see a guy sitting in a chair and barrel.
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Funniest thing in all this is their acknowledgment that the food SUCKS. We wound up going there on mothers day because every other restaurant was full. Left hungry.
BTW-I grew up in the country with a country store a mile away. Never once did I see anyone paying checkers at it. Only Green Acres.
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Sounds like a sad country song going astray.
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What does that even mean, he gave his life?
Is he dead? Is his ghost tweeting?
Gasp--is this proof of the afterlife?
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This is totally crazy. Did he see JESUS park his truck there..or what??!!!
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That sounds like a post from @unhingedao3.bsky.social.
And yes, that is a challenge.
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There will be a bluegrass hit about this
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I think my favorite description of the logo change is "they got rid of the cracker AND the barrel"
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The right is just reaching to generate more faux outrage by its cultists. The cultists will fall in line and hate Cracker Barrell. They will have no idea why they hate it, but they were told CB is "woke" so that is good enough for Trump's poorly educated cultists to lose their mind. MAGA is a cult.
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Release the Epstein files. No one cares if the barrel and the guy are gone from the logo!
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My man got so sloppy with Uncle Herschel
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I'm sorry...but i fail to see what in the world is woke about a large corporation updating their own logo???
It was a basic logo and still is a basic logo.
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Worst Hold Steady song by a mile.
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