Old Soviet joke for today:
A man walks into a newsstand every day, looks around, and leaves.
After a long time of this, the owner says “Can I help you find something?”
“I’m looking for the obituaries.”
“The obituaries are in the back of the newspaper, comrade.”
“Not the one I’m looking for.”
Every damn day it's the first thing I check
Perfect.
Ya!
Evil does not fade away easily.
Spot on!
How fitting!
Edgy.
Perfect!
🤣
All of us every day
Holy shit I'm gonna save this joke.
Quite apt.
We haven't yet got to sudden broadcasts of Swan Lake yet. But, I wouldn't be surprised if Vance's recent comments are significant.
It sure feels imminent, but I’m cautiously optimistic.
They used to send their agents out in threes: one who could read, one who could write and one to keep an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals.
brilliant
OUTSTANDING Observation !!! 👏🏽👏🏿👏🏾👏🏼👏🏿👏🏾👏🏽👍🏾💙💙💙✔️ I 🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫵🏾. Me too, old Soviet joke…. Me too. ( No disrespect to the Me Too movement, I support you 💯%)…… We will start a “ Looking for a Front Page Obituary “ movement, when we organize !!! 👍🏾…..
Best post of the week!!!
I laughed hard after mention of the "owner" :D
I have been checking news and here frequently the last few days!
Lots of "Swan Lake" references today.
That's a Soviet one? I heard it before but I never knew its source
#Putin clock is ticking #Russia
way I heard it was
"The obituaries won't be on the front page."
"Oh, it WILL be."
That could well apply to present-day America.
Haha!
Another old Soviet joke that will be recycled is,
Is this the store without any meat?
No, this is the store without any bread. The store without any meat is across the street.
So he is not dead yet? Who will be JD’s VP?
I don't get it
Old as dirt, heard it from Soviet era, in the GDR and now in the USA, but did not loose to be funny😎
Me every morning when I ask Google the news
If only
Every damn day except for the suck-cession is as bad or worse.
Yeah I think we're all secretly praying for one of about 5. Bit rough wishing people dead, but some world leaders really need to be elsewhere now.
It will be the front page when it happens ✌️
That rates a follow ...
American joke: I thought your family was visiting you from Mexico? Yes, but they adore watching alligators and Trump offered them a free ticket.
😂
😂😂😂😂
May God bless and keep the president.
...Far away from us.
“Don’t wait until freedom is gone to regret its loss. FREEDOM isn’t GOD-GIVEN; it is FOUGHT for by the PEOPLE”
Yesteryear doom scrolling 😉
XD
🍊
He won't lie in state, either, because of security issues. They can't even display a wax replica without it being punched.
Love it!
Huh. First time I heard this one (read, actually, in an academic book on ethnic jokes in North America), it was cited as a Jewish-American joke. Wonder how old it really is.
Oooh—took me a minute!
You got a LOL from me on this
I was thinking of this a couple of hours ago! A lot of people probably were/are.
🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆
That's great!! 👍👍🤣🤣
Apparently he hasn’t made any public appearances or gone in front of the press since Tuesday, as of last night at least. He’s also sailing past his record for how long he’s gone without golfing.
I’m not saying they’re setting up the Weekend at Bernie’s even now, but I’m not not saying.
Hmmm, is there good news?
😳😂😂🤣🤣
The Postal Authorities setup a commission to find out why the Brezhnev stamps are falling off of envelopes The commission finds that 90% of people are licking the rear of the stamp so hard the glue comes off , and 10% are spitting on the wrong side
Amen!
I do the same nowadays. I get up & I quickly check social media. Then I disappointedly go make coffee. One beautiful day soon….
I fully expect an address to the nation from a Presidential AI soon.
🤞
It may be hard to get rid of him. westcountryvoices.co.uk/trump-trumped/
😉
A fortuneteller says: “You will die on a national holiday.” The tyrant asks: “How do you know?”
In Soviet Russia, newspapers read YOU!
I like this joke
That joke plays well in my mind in my blue state.
Unfortunately, Reagan survived until the end of two terms.
In the version I was told the man goes up to a newspaper seller every morning, buys a paper, glances at the front page & then throws it in the trash...
😄😄😄 Good one!
Large ("Biggest ever!") front page photo should be of burial plot next to Ivanka, with the all caps headline:
"HERE LIES TRUMP, AS HE DID ALL HIS LIFE"
Ha, that one was on my mind again today.
At least thanks to the Soviets, he could read
My husband told me this one. It’s great!
Another soviet one: Man puts a down payment on a car. The car salesman says "there is a long wait - 10 years to the day." The man says "will that be 10 years to the day in the morning or the afternoon?" - Car salesman asks "why?" "Because I am expecting the plumber on that day."
Funny yes However you can't walk INTO a newsstand They are a STAND out in the open & that's why they are called STANDS The person manning the stand may be in a kiosk but he won't want you in there with him Scuse my ocd it can steal thunder
Almost completely not funny, from the days we almost had hope.
IS HE DEAD YET?
it took me a second but yeah
Either one of them, or both please...
With all the rumors of Trump's death flying around the internet, this joke now makes much more sense...
offcially the RASHIST FEDERATION - thank you President Zelensky
I wake up every hopeful every day. One day the Big Mac will fell him.
📌
Topical. ;D
Oh fuck I'm going to have to remember how to buy a newspaper.
Old Soviet joke for tomorrow. "Have we already achieved Communism ? Or will things get even worse ?"
Now you understand why news stand vendors in US are getting much more traffick but sales have not gone up one bit.
Just wanted to post that one 😅
Indeed. ! Been sober 32years. That may be a time to celebrate with something special
Ouch, wow!
One advantage of the Trump era is that when it's over, I'm convinced that people will start going outside celebrating, honking their horns on the street, setting off fireworks.
It'll be the single greatest day in the US since we won World War II.
Watching The Death of Stalin and imagining the rare case of the sequel being better.
💫💫manifesting💫💫
😂😂😂
I think about this joke more often than probably is healthy.
YouTube video by They Might Be Giants - Topic
Appropriate, as Krasnov is an old Soviet ass(et)
No joke!
I’ve been repeating that one lately
🤣🤣🤣
Wouldn’t that be something, waking up to the headline: «DJT and his cabinet is nowhere to be found after a workshop in Alaska.»
Hahah
Still relevant today in Russia
Live your life in a way that millions of people aren't waiting excitedly for news of your death.
We can all relate.
✅Kamala won
❌Cheato cheated
🚫He rigged the 2024 election🚫
Just like in TEXAS
BECAUSE HES IN THE FILES
EPSTEIN! RIGGING! NEW ELECTIONS NOW!
✅NO CITIZENS UNITED
✅A PAID HOLIDAY
🚩NEW ELECTIONS NOW! 🚩NEW ELECTIONS NOW!
AMERICA WILL BE BACK.
TERMINATE THE TERM!
YouTube video by The78Prof
Not as on point, but old Soviet joke. Guy stands in s long line to buy beef. Finally gets to the front of the line, and they're sold out. He's had it, and starts ranting about how fucked up the country is. A KGB type sides up and says "Comrade, it's better than it used to be.
1/2
Ditto for US!
That’s a classic darkly funny in that unmistakably Soviet way.It captures the sense of absurdity and the constant undercurrent of fear:the obituaries you actually care about aren’t publicly listed.A perfect little snapshot of life under a regime where the invisible hand of danger touches everything.
Right in the feels.
Could have fooled med it's a new American joke.
It's comforting to know Trump can't last much longer
I know you didn't say it, but we know.
Is that asshole Stalin behind me? --Leon Trotsky
These Soviet jokes never fail to make me laugh!
worth the click:
Ha, ha, ha, ha, aha, aha, ha, ha, ha 🤣🙃🤣
Apply it to USA and it becomes funnier though both are necessary for the free world to function better....
Haha, yes I would love to see it!
I've noticed a lack of humor in fascists.
Me too!! Every single day!!!🤬
It's a bit confusing as there are at least three he could be keeping tabs on.
I’ve been thinking about that joke a lot lately, even before it became the entire mood on this site.
Old joke made new in the usa’s election!!
Just a thought but I’ve always really enjoyed these. Someone should create an account that just posts these. 👍
I have heard this joke around lately without the association of it being Soviet.
Weird. 🤔
You won't need to read it to know. The people dancing in the streets will be a dead giveaway.
If he should die before I wake, I promise I will celebrate
Another Russian joke:
Want to get rid of a friend?
Loan him money
I learned of this joke a couple months back and am not ashamed to say I've thought of it multiple times per week since.
I CAN'T GET A JOKE OUT OF ANYTHING.RUSSIA, RUSSIA. RUSSIA! THEY ARE MURDERING PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.IT'S NOT FUNNY!
🤞
Another old Soviet era joke:
Why do secret policemen walk around in three?
One does the reading
One does the writing
The other one keeps his eye on the two intellectuals!
I’ve been thinking about people living in countries where there’s no democracy and having these tyrants in power and hoping only death can save them. Like this MF took away 10 years of our lives.
📌
Reminder how long it took Castro to die.
The version im familiar with ends with "i know. The one im looking for will be on the front page"
I like this joke..
I updated an old American joke: Russian: "What's so great about America?" American: "I can stand on the steps of the white house and say the president sucks donkey balls" An unmarked van of masked men drag the American to a concentration camp to be killed. End of joke.
Interesting that this has been the chatter all over the socials today. Pity it doesn't seem to be true, was so hopeful there..... wonder who started it?? 😁
That's just what we're looking for with Trump, Netanyahu and Putin 🤣
A favorite in both Russia and the USA presently.
This is all of us.
Old but very current
Does the sofa guy get along with the guy who lives in the coffin?
Jokes on you. 'Soviet press' is an oxymoron. The state can keep anyone alive for decades.
It's a lovely dream...
It's not a very good Russian joke, it's in English.
i like this and will repost changing it to USA thanks
Perfect for the U.S. today.
Old men trump walk in bowing to putin
🥇
Got to store that one away.
There's not a lot of physical newspapers left in the world....
But on the day it happens if you can snag one you should because it'll be valuable, guaranteed.
I have the same stategy when poring over the news in social media...
😁yes, quite so
🤭
Reminded me of a photo someone posted on the official WH TikTok account. 😂
I don't get it.
Swan lake
I love that one. Soviet humor manages to fully embrace the suck while also making it funny. I've been remembering lots of good Soviet jokes lately. For some unknown reason. 🙄
📌
Yup, me and the news sites every day.
Waiting for that warm feeling of joy.
I don't need an obituary. Only an announcement.
Senior year our history teacher had us do a current event every morning. My buddy got excused from the assignment after consistently writing about obituaries.
I get it.
This one ?
I don't want to drink. Drinking is bad for my health.
Amazing
I will share also old Soviet joke:
A man stood outside the Kremlin shouting, "Death to the tyrant!"
A secret police agent immediately arrested the man and took him to Stalin for judgement.
"This man was shouting, 'Death to the tyrant!'" the police accused.
These days, that hits home. 😁😉 Thanks for the grin!
I think it also applies to America.
Alexa, play Swan Lake
смеется по-русски.
