The Tesla Diner is a perfect metaphor for the whole Tesla brand: a bad facsimile of something that already exists, made by people who don't understand what they're recreating, with a thin veneer of superficial futurism on top, for people with no taste or self-respect
Elmo failed at self-driving cars and non-exploding space penises but he has totally disrupted the smash burger space. So much innovation
😆
At this point the root of the Tesla problem isn't even Elon Musk, who is doing everything he can to destroy the brand and business... the problem is that ours is a culture of hogs at the slop trough. Whether it's burgers or self-driving scams, we can't tell the difference between good and bad things
Once the novelty wears off, there probably won't be miles-long lines out the door, just tourists. The rest of us will go back to our old reliable (and cheaper) burger places where the chili doesn't look like baby food and the fries don't look pre-sogged-out.
if i may be so bold, it is at least pretty funny.
(2 mins of me as tesla diner manager, for those into such things)
Two funny things in the linked article:
Glitter. This kind of shit is the equivalent to sprinkling glitter on things. Muskyfinger is the Liberace of "futurists" and Tesla is his sequined cape...Twitter his bedazzled codpiece.
OOOOOOH, SHINY SPARKLEY...
I… is the “proprietary tool” a SPATULA?
Amazon.com: Certified Angus Beef The Smash - Big Smash Burger Spatula Heavy Duty Stainless Steel Burger Smasher Tool for Griddle Accessories, Kitchen Gadgets, and Grill Accessories : Patio, Lawn & Garden
Why are we recreating stuff we already mostly have (ways of cooking burgers) instead of innovating in our core business?
They invented a spatula?
It's about time somebody innovates in the burges sector.
Tesla: For boors, by Boers
Also, total disregard for the community and any disruption it causes.
Their speciality is designing orphan crushing machines
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😆😅😂🤣😂😅😆
Always wondered how Elon got away with making people believe he did new things, when what he always did was take other people's ideas and inventions and pretended he was the creator
In a way, AI is perfect for him. Steal people's data, research, IP, reporters' work and pretend it's Grok's brain.
'Look, I built a whole machine to do what people do, so now we don't need them.'
These guys are not the future. They are the past, when inventing vacuum cleaners and clothes washers actually helped save people hours of tedious labor.
That first sentence states that the proprietary tool is held together with caramelized onions, and that the tool is on almost everyone's table.
My sixth-grade teacher would have flunked me for writing something that awful.
and a food poisoning case will happen of course
OH MY GOD TESLA ENGINEERS CANNOT BE STOPPED!
This headline from Rolling Stone kinda sums it up 😂
Gift link. If you visit L.A., there are many, many, many better places to eat, and the money you spend will (probably) support people who aren't self centered, destructive assholes. www.nytimes.com/2025/08/05/d...
Crap with a fresh scrubbed face
You forgot the CEO who hypes the bad facsimile as the greatest thing ever that only a genius such as himself could pull off and an even better version is only a year away.
El🤡n's the Potemkin Village Idiot
Neither does anything else Elon does...
He's a cost-cutting, unethical hack who clearly misappropriates his resources & constantly fails, as a result. 'His' successes are not his own, they belong to those he paid, though he is quick to take credit/control.
Nothing remotely impressive about that!
Innovation as self-aggrandising intellectual masturbation, rather than a humble and tireless desire to solve problems for the good of all
Reinventing things and doing them poorly is by definition degenerate. He's not even good at doing fascism
This ^^^^ with the techbros! They think they re-invent the World every day, but only make a crappy, substandard copy of something that has existed a long time.
Smash burgers used to be called, “what the fuck is this burnt, chintzy little meat patty”.
The point is to make it clear people are not needed any longer. Even for flipping burgers.
Tesla is a perfect metaphor for Tech Elites. You could build a quality vehicle, if you respected the knowledge of the people who have done the work for decades, stuck to one idea and set achievable goals, met them, and used that competency to build on, but instead we got gamblers playing the table.
That perfectly describes the state of the music business as well.
Burgers will be flipped faster than the human eye can perceive.
They reinvented a flat piece of metal from first principles.
lol you can literally use any iron press, or an iron pan, or the back of a steel kitchen bowl.
@niedermeyer.online Excellent writing!
Why are we going out to eat at a car dealership?
I already have one of these devices. It's called a "spatula". It attatches to my "hand".
Can we take a moment to notice and reflect on how poorly written this sentence is:
“Tesla engineers built a proprietary tool to flatten patties for the smash burgers with crisp browned edges, held together with caramelized onions and cheese, which seemed to be on most tables.”
This sounds like so many things in the current tech-bro world; it’s all cargo cult, no real understanding of what they’re trying to do.
(~);}
www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8AG...
YouTube video by Cathy Fink Marcy Marxer
I bet the innovation is that the patties are made of fired workers.
Finally, innovation in the food flattening vertical.
selling shit to shitty people is the tesla brand
It’s like the old saying goes: Over promise and under deliver
Cyberspatula
Reinventing the burger press is just perfect.
So like a George Foreman grill without the grease draining?
What percentage of customers at this godforsaken shithole are journalists?
Well said.
They opened a diner instead of producing cars that charged faster
To give Elon credit, the diner may just be a way to try & offset the high cost of locating a Tesla charging station in West Hollywood. Despite not being a driver I'll miss the utility provided by gas stations, namely public washrooms & convenience stores. EV charging stations should be so useful!
heaven forbid you use a spatula
I am sure it cost them 100 million dollars to come up with a replacement for a 20.00 spatula.
He promised us the hyperloop, solar rooftops, colonies on Mars...and we get a burger press.
It reminds me of a sharper image in the 90s.
Like what would happen if a sharper image wanted to make a diner??
Mass market electric cars did not exist when Tesla built the first roadster and model S.
Nailed it
Why is a local New York paper reviewing a restaurant in LA?
McDonalds has been selling burgers for longer than Musk has been alive.
There's nothing TSLA can do to make a better burger that McDs hasn't already attempted.
Tesla engineers built… a spatula? Lmao 🤣
When the product is one man, it kinda doesn’t matter what the business does.
Fondly remembering the over engineered Tesla liquor glasses that were designed to look ”cool” but couldn’t be placed anywhere except their special holder
Seems like assigning your engineers to work on a burger smashing machine (God gave most of us two of those) violates some obligation to your shareholders LOL. What are we even doing here?!
Seriously who is going to this place?!?
How proprietary can a hamburger smasher be? I have this one, which works beautifully.
"Join us"
I for one, am glad to see someone finally handling the issues the majority of us are clamoring for
tesla engineers invented a spatula
And for those with no sense of/interest in history. Everything old is New again when you add AI, ignorance or narcissim to it.
Smashed the juices out of it 🤮
They must have been fighting over the hamburger-smasher assignment over at Tesla HQ. Dead simple, scores you all kinds of points with the coked-out fool momentarily obsessed with running a fake diner, and it doesn't even kill anyone. What a sweet gig!
From the company that boldly reinvented Doors: but what if they don’t just open when you need them to?
What is this tool? What does it look like? How is it proprietary?
NYT failing again.
Tesla: A poorly programmed robot prepared your shitty burger with condiments you don't want or need. You're welcome.
The diner sounds just like the product AI puts out.
“Proprietary tool” The spatula already exists.
