I THREW THE SANDWICH But I did not throw the panini
The DC sandwich guy has been charged with assault for shouting at a CBP officer, throwing a sub into his chest, and then running off.
"I did it. I threw the sandwich," he said while he was being processed.
He rolled deep, meating the situation like a hero.
Weird Al called. He wants his lyrics back. 😜
Oh, god, LMAO. :)
They need to name a sandwich after that guy
In the spirt of Australia’s Egg Boy!
🎶There goes my hero🎶
Oh, this is EPIC. I'm hearing Marley sing it. 🙌🏻
A plot out of the Three Stooges and Keystone Kops! Fragile LEO ego. Maybe they all need to wear rain ponchos? Ooh, only the paper touched his poor bruised ego. Sorry to read that the comedian didn’t get away! I expect his laughable case and waste of taxpayer dollars will be tossed out like a salad!
I shot the sheriff But I did not shoot the deputy
As a lawyer, do you think “But I swear it was in self defense” as a sort of castle doctrine defense will have any merit?
It wasn’t assault, your honor. It was oregano.
Was it an Ohio-class sub?
Throw the sandwich, take the panini.
Must have been mayo on the sandwich Who gets a free sandwich then arrests the guy? These guys depravity know no bounds
Someone please include the lyrics with Marley background music
I really hope a grand jury indicts the ham sandwich just to prove a point once and for all.
Hey Perogi Chef: Are you listening?
“I bite my thumb, sir, But not at you, sir~”
That’s awesome! 👏 I hope it was tuna salad.🥪 Although, the stain of a nice greasy cheese steak sub might be harder to get out of a Nazi costume.
He's in a pickle now.
People should absolutely tie sandwiches onto little fishing rods and dangle them in front of the pigs while making oinking noises.
Classics never go out of fashion.
It reminds me of my first visit to Key West, when The KW Citizen ran a story headlined “Man Hit in Head with Flying Burrito.” That could have been the moment I decided to move there. It was the only report of violence that week. 🤷🏼♀️
Now I can't get that song outta my head and Eric the'Clap'man is a fucking traitor to decency.
I wish I knew the Bob Marley version first!!!!!
dammit, Ken
“I was just minding my own business at Subway and then…wham!”
The mortadella always hated me For what, I don’t know
But I swear it was in self-defense
is his lawyer allowed to spend the whole case asking the cop if he's a whiny piss baby who's afraid of sandwiches?
Oh no no. But I swear it was in self defence.
!@#$, now I have Marley and Clapton stuck in my head at the same time.
The Hero we need.
I fought the slaw, but the slaw won!
Ken how fucked is our hero?
"They're throwing the sandwiches. They're throwing the paninis."
Armed and Ready
I threw the sandwich....but I did not throw the au jus sauce....
That was the hero we needed right now.
Clever ear worm. Well played.
I didn’t have WaWa joining the revolution in my 2025 bingo card.
Let’s be clear / it was only assault because there were hot peppers on the sandwich. Without hot peppers- a misdemeanor
He should have gone full Woodie Guthrie and written "This sub kills fascists" on it.
Does that count as submarine warfare
sandwichfascism.teemill.com/product/sand...
No all heroes wear capes.
This guy gets a lifetime supply of sandwiches!
Yeah I threw the mixed grinder, but I did not throw the mortadella
If it was a ham sandwich this has the potential to be the funniest no bill ever.
You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself throwing a hero.
If you've been stuck downrange at Dugway for weeks you'd understand. Nothing but garbage delivered from Subway on base.
But did you do it in self defense?
I like this very much
That man, and that sandwich, are heroes.
Somebody set up a GoFundMe for this guy. If a woman who called a little boy the N-word can receive a boatload of GoFundMe dollars, I figure this guy could receive two boat loads of cash, I’m ready to contribute!
He's my hero. Though he's just a po' boy, he stood face to open-face and braved the police club, as if to say to us all, "don't let the bastards grinder you down!"
Should've used stale Cuban bread, it has a proven history. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conch_R...
He may be guilty, but the sandwich thrower demonstrated true heroism.
Yeah! All around in my home town They're tryin' to track me down They say they want to bring me in guilty For the throwing of some chips For throwing the chips but I sayay ay I threw the sandwich But I swear it was in self-defense
The sandwich heard round the world
😅😂🤣
Yeah, all around in my home town ICE is trying to track me down, yeah They say they want to bring me in guilty For the disrespect of Mr. Trump For hating on Mr. Trump But I say Oh, now, now, oh…
😂
The magic bologna theory
I Slawed the Sheriff was right there
Does Sandwich Man have a gofundme? I’d also buy some “sandwich-holding resistance fist” merch if he starts an Etsy shop.
I will buy this man a sandwich.
omg a bob marley reference!
Was it a Trump Sandwich? Might’ve been meant as a compliment!
I read that in Fred Schneider.
The Subs of Brixton 👊
He’s my hero-tossing hero!
So the police can bash someone, not assault. But a sandwich thrown is assault. ?
But I swear it was in self-defense.
😂🎶
Assault requires a finding of a physical injury. How can you be injured by a sandwich
Ken
Throw the sandwich, keep the cannoli.
The best part is that this outright names a member of the g-ICE-stappo, who has been in the agency for a career now it seems.
They have had him in the field for almost a decade from some of the articles his name and CPB comes up with.
Luigi Deux
I won't lie, I didn't have a lawyer accidentally starting a debate about the origin of the Hero sandwich on bluesky on my 2025 bingo card.
I THREW THE SANDWICH 🎶 And I hit him with my great big banh mi
Trump is right. Today’s cops are a bunch of sniveling snowflakes.
Bravo. The video must be reedited with a reggae soundtrack now.
Bob Marley Or Clapton version?
"🎶Yeah! All around in my home town They're tryin' to track me down, yeah They say they want to bring me in guilty For the throwing of a panini For the waste of a panini but I say Oh, now, now, oh🎶"
They’re not loafing around here. Hope he’s got some bread for bail.
I forget that checks notes yelling at a leo is assualt 🫠
Well, the panini is a terrible thing to waste.
Bob Marley demands that you get the meter right:
I threw the sandwich But I didn’t throw no panini, no no no.
BIG FAT CHEATER, TRUMP, THAT WHAT Nichole Wallace SAYS, THAT'S WHAT HE IS, A BIG FAT CHEETAH. HE CHEATS IN GOLF AND POLITICS FOR SURE TRYING TO GET EXTRA VOTES FROM TEXAS. ABSOLUTELY CHEATS WITH WIFE, ABSOLUTE CHEATS IN BUSINESS, AND ABSOLUTELY CHIEFS AT JUST BEING A HUMAN F***** BEING,THE F*** HEAD
I'm Spartacus
But I swear it was in self-defense!
He's really in a pickle now.
Ah yes, that great American revolutionary anthem!
"We're making a stand, Won't rollover and die, We'll throw our subway sandwich At the FBI"
Charges will still be pressed.
No, I threw the sandwich
Sandwich takes its name from the Anglo Saxon 'Sandwic,' meaning 'market town on sandy soil' and was likely named due to its proximity to the now disappeared Wantsum Channel.
Was it self-defense?
I hear the CBP officer needed treatment at the mayo clinic.
That is terrible and I hate that I laughed at it.
a DELICIOUS sub-style sandwich
Sooooo are they selling tickets to this trial? Asking for a friend.
Damn, try and feed the police and you get arrested by them!
He was 'hit' with a veggie sub and he is filing assault charges, what a snowflake!
Damnnit, dad. You gotta stop this before you break someone.
"I Subway authority but authority always wins"
Impeachable offense? (By the Judge…)
Subway or one of its competitors could do the funniest thing ever this week! “Launching” a new footlong ad campaign this week would be brilliant!
Ask for jury trial! No chance of conviction!
I wonder if that guy is on Grinder?
Hero (sandwich).
Dammit, you beat me to it
I threw my sandwich at the nazi guy singing hey-o where's my mayo
I honestly want to see the police report for this incident 😆 What kind of insecure weakling needs to file assault charges over a sandwich 🙄 If he can’t handle a sandwich and some strong words, maybe he needs to find a less dangerous career. Maybe some drunk college kids could handle this for him 🤷♀️
It’s a real pickle. There’s sammich I want to say.
a taco mighta been more symbolic
But threw donuts at the deputy
Somewhere someone is buttering a biscuit.
Mark my words, his defense is going to hinge on the definition of “sandwich.”
"Is bread speech?"
I guess it's not the worst earworm...
I sandwiched the Sheriff, but I did not baguette the Deputy.
A capital offense
Is that an homage to Clapton?
No one should throw things at anyone, but come on, a felony?
#Salami-gate
Lunch meat Luigi
Freedom Fries came my way one day.
This needs a t-shirt
Is he potentially going to spend years in jail for this?
Leave the gun Throw the hero
This Hunt for Red October reboot goes meatballs deep
Whether it was your intention or not, I read that to the tune of Clapton’s “I Shot The Sheriff.” 🙇🏻♀️
I heard that exactly as you intended 😛
You finally did it. You caught the Tater.
Ken please take up his defense pro-bologna
so perfect
So large sandwiches are now considered deadly weapons?
Nice.
Serious question: doesn’t the CBP officer have to testify that the thrown sandwich caused him fear of imminent harm?
I threw the sandwich (the sandwich) But I swear it was in self defense (no, no) Ooh, ooh, ooh (yeah, I said) I thew the sandwich (oh, Lord) And they say it is was a panini (oh now, yeah) Ooh, ooh, ooh (yeah, hear this)
DC sandwich guy joins Egg Boy in the illustrious pantheon of food-themed resistance to fascism.
www.abc.net.au/news/2019-03...
The teenager known as Egg Boy says his infamous attack on Senator Fraser Anning united the community in the wake of the Christchurch shootings, but concedes it wasn't the right thing to do.
He's my HERO 🥖
You never admit the existence of this sandwich...never
The orange clown sent federal cops to town To distract us from those files He blamed it all on rising crime But we know he’s just a child.
I'm sure the mustard stains on his bulletproof vest were just horrendous...
Snicker
I was afraid they would charge him with the attempted murder of a law enforcement officer TBH
This is the difference between us and them. Our hero threw a sandwich at a cop. Their hero (rittenhouse) killed innocent people at a protest.
So what yuh in for? For real? A sandwich? Foot long? 6"er? What are we talking here?
Not all heroes wear capes
If you throw a hotdog in a bun at them and then admit to "throwing the sandwich", could a lawyer work with that?
Next up: "Definitely Vegan CPB thug has tough stain that smells weird, also appeals to public for shirt cleaning tips."
😅🎶
They say it is a capital offence
The sandwich heard around the world.
Let it be so.
But what kind of grown man is going to tell a jury why a thrown sandwich made him scared
If the sandwich was a melt, he could've been accused of using grilla tactics!
Anybody would do the same thing if they were being manhandled and rounded up by thugs with no idea where they are going and for how long. This is scary for anyone. Release this worker.
Boy, are you showing your age... youngsters won't get that joke. 🤣
Let's go on tour together
Was it a club sandwich?
That cop has shit reflexes.
I'd have caught the sandwich and been like "WOOHOO! FREE SANDWICH!"
💡 Might paper-wrapped 1’-longs (or foam simulacra) be THE cheap, easy Mockery Flag all urban residents should pack!? Fully portable; always ready for swinging.😝
NOTE: 12” max, swing above one’s own head only, and NEVER ANYWHERE NEAR a goon: they’ll charge ‘assault’ if they even feel a breeze
Hilarious. Big case. Assault with bread and sliced meat. Thank god for Hegseth training up our warriors to fight the mighty roast beef, the infamous baloney, and sweet honey CHICKEN.
Well now that’s stuck in my head.
calls Weird Al
So you're young scrappy and hungry and you are not throwing away your food?
The hero we need
The feds have garrisoned the town, And now they're going to drag me down, They swear that I must be guilty, Of the hurling of the panini, But I did not throw the panini But I say...
Does he have the bread for bail?
At his court date, everyone in the gallery should stand up, one by one, Spartacus-style, and shout, "Me, I threw that sandwich!", "I threw that sandwich!", "I threw ..."
Buffalo Wings Soldier
"Hey, it's made out of the same stuff as gym mats, so....no harm no foul, right? Wait, they took that stuff out in 2014? Whoops. My bad."
Hey, that fits perfectly with the chorus to “I Shot the Sheriff”
The grand jury will indict that sandwich
Gentle reader...
I laughed.
wishes it could have been soup truck.
That's almost as hero-ic a statement as, "I regret that I have but one slice to give for my country."
🏆
Assault with a submarine?
