I bought a yellow car recently so I can drive by and watch people punch each other in the arm.
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Bought a car off someone on Facebook. Cylinder head blew within two days, and he refused to give me back my money, even though he had used Radweld to fake fix it up. He sells a lot of cars on Facebook, and I check every one is taxed and report the ones that aren't.
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I'm telling people that I am on a diet because I have a big reunion coming up and don't want to look fat. Partially true, but the main reason is that I was starting to have difficulty wiping my arse.
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This weekend cutting the hedge, I accidentally cut through our neighbours Virgin broadband and TV cable, twice. I bared and twisted them back together and taped them up. Must have got it right, neighbours haven't noticed.
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Since being obsessed with the England's Women's football success, my wife has taken to exclaiming "Russoooo!" in a mockney accent when climaxing; I find it equally annoying and arousing.
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I am a long time police detective. When media is present at scenes and I'm just conferring with colleagues, I'll take a moment to hold my notebook, look at my colleagues and point at something random. The media just love that shot and it makes them both happy and go away sooner.
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Ex-boyfriend thought I was shagging his mate. I wasn't, but got tired of hearing about it and dumped him. Then I shagged his mate.
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Man in his 50s, married but no chldren. I always feel really sad when walking past fairgrounds as I would love to go on the rides, especially the waltzers, but as they tend to be populated by teenagers or families it wouldn't feel right going on myself.
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When I was a kid we lived in Mexico for a bit because my dad had a job there. One day on my way home from school I was kidnapped and bundled into a jeep to be ransomed. The kidnappers left me at a petrol station 30 minutes away because I wouldn't stop singing, which annoyed them.